My Love Hate Relationship

I came across a few blogs that listed things that “crunchy moms” do or say. I want to be crunchy. I really do. I try, and I fail. I am in this awkward middle state where I am not totally mainstream, but I am far from crunchy. I do actually do some crunchy things....but I also eat a lot of greasy pizza, have ZERO intentions of ever homeschooling, and I hate kale.

I see people posting pictures of their perfectly sliced avocado, egg whites with fresh peppers from their backyard garden, and a mason jar with a lime green smoothie in it. And deep down my stomach is churning with envy. I am so jealous of people who have the discipline to eat well. Everyone is talking about being a vegetarian, eating paleo/having a WHOLE food diet; and the only thing I want to eat is a WHOLE bag of Doritos. or a whole pizza. or a whole plate of chinese food. You get the point!

I love mason jars, which for some reason, seem to be an icon of one’s crunchiness. The more mason jars one drinks from, the crunchier they are! You walk around with a green smoothie made from fruit grown in your backyard and I have Pepsi from Shoprite in my mason jar.

However, I have not totally failed at being crunchy. I DID “successfully” cloth diaper for a year straight. Then I stopped. Then I started again. Then I stopped again. Then I did cloth trainers. Then I stopped that. Then I did underwear. Then I stopped. And now we switch between pull-ups and underwear depending on how much poop I feel like cleaning on that particular day.

I breast fed as well, but I didn't do it because I thought it was awesome. I didn't do it because I thought it would make my child smart or something. I didn’t do it for the greater good of mankind. I did it because I was cheap and lazy. The formula prices at my local target were my only motivation to breastfeed my son.

Some other "crunchy" things that I don't fit into:

  • I have zero interest in avocado

  • I literally hate co-sleeping with my toddler

  • I would eat gluten by the pound if I could

  • I take Tylenol

  • I don't think I'd ever eat my placenta

  • Auto correct just had to spell “compost” for me

  • I still don’t know how to pronounce kefir

  • While I do use a menstrual cup, I would never consider something like “family cloth”

  • I eat GMOs shamelessly

  • I did no poo… and it lasted for like a month

  • I do not have a garden. or chickens. I might change that one day...

  • I don’t eat organic

So I love the idea of crunchiness. I love the idea of a green lifestyle. I love the idea of eating whole and healthy. But, I think I still love my doritos more. Maybe one day….

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